There Goes Santa Claus
by galabad
Summary: A Tokyo Mew Mew Hellsing Christmas crossover. Not very jolly.


For Silver Sailor Ganymede

"Man, it's cold out here."

"Yeah, that usually happens in December."

Snow crunched beneath the two young girls' boots as they followed the footprints. The bright glow of streetlights faded behind them as they wandered farther from the center of town. Their only illumination now was the shadowy red and green cast by lights strung on the increasingly sparse houses.

"You're not helping, Ichigo. All I wanted to do was get in some last minute holiday shopping before my shift at the cafe, and now I'm chasing Santa Claus, of all things, across the frozen tundra!"

"It's not that bad, Minto," scoffed Ichigo. "Besides, is it my fault the mall Santa went on a rampage? He must have been possessed by one of those weird space jellyfish and turned into a chimera anima. You saw the way he started trashing the place before he found the exit and bolted. It's our duty to track him down and neutralize him before someone gets hurt!"

"Yeah, I know," Minto grudgingly agreed. "By the way, what did Ryou say when you called him? Is he sending the other Mews to back us up?"

Ichigo shrugged. "It's weird, he says the scanners never picked up any alien activity. He said he's going to warn the others to be ready to come help us, but if he just shuts down the cafe again people will get suspicious and we might lose our cover. We just have to keep him posted."

Minto rolled her eyes. "Great," she said sarcastically. "In the meantime we get to freeze our tails off. Literally!"

"Whining isn't going to get this done any faster," Ichigo replied. "Besides, I didn't think you'd be so eager to get to work serving gingerbread cookies and eggnog wearing those reindeer antlers Ryou bought us."

Minto paused in thought. "Good point," she said, taking up the trail with renewed vigor. "Let's do this."

They followed the tracks far past the edge of civilization to the edge of a copse of bleak trees, their branches drooping under a coating of ice. Out here, beyond the shelter of buildings, the girls were assailed by the biting, howling wind. The moon shone brightly onto the crusty snow, littering the ground with swaying, skeletal shadows.

"Looks like he's in there," Ichigo pointed out.

"You think?" Minto retorted. She turned to look in all directions. "I don't see anyone else around. I guess now's as good a time as any to change." She drew a tiny golden charm from her pocket and kissed it gently. "Mew mew Mint, metamorphosis!" she shouted. Immediately she was surrounded by a bright glow. Her snow boots transformed into soft ankle-high blue booties. Her warm wool coat was replaced with a short light blue dress accented by matching gloves, armbands and a garter on her thigh. Her black hair shifted to cyan, a pair of small feathered wings sprouted from her back and a blue tail feathers appeared on her backside; the effect of having her DNA fused with that of a blue lorikeet.

"Mew mew Strawberry metamorphosis!" echoed Ichigo, performing the same ritual. Her clothes morphed into a dress, armbands, gloves and garter similar to Minto's but pink in color, with dark pink boots that laced up almost to her knees. Black cat ears and a feline tail decorated with a pink bow and bell revealed her wildcat DNA. "Ready, Minto?"

The half-bird girl stood hugging herself, knees knocking and teeth chattering. "W-w-why c-c-couldn't I have p-p-polar bear DNA?" she muttered. Ichigo sighed and grabbed Minto's hand, and together they plunged into the tree line.

The Mews stalked cautiously through the trees. They started at every noise, the twisted shadows tricking them into seeing motion all about them. Finally the trail of footprints stopped at the edge of a small clearing. The girls stood silently and strained to see or hear anything beyond, but the stillness was broken only by the misty clouds of their ragged breath.

"Maybe it's time to call for reinforcements," Minto whispered. "What do you think?"

"I think you've both been naughty," came a hollow, raspy voice from above. Minto and Ichigo craned their necks just in time to see a large blur of red and white descend on them from the treetops. The girls leaped away, rolling and skidding to a halt as the assailant thudded to the ground amidst a volcano of snow. As the powder subsided they got a better look at the possessed Santa. He retained his human shape but his eyes seemed to glow a dull red and his skin was a sickly pale blue. He still wore his red and white outfit and false beard, both of which were ragged and torn.

"This is just like Kish and those other rotten aliens!" Ichigo sneered disgustedly. "As if it's not bad enough they turn innocent people into possessed monsters, now they have to go and corrupt a Santa Claus, and right at Christmas time!"

"Let's get him!" Minto shouted, instantly forgetting the cold. "Mint arrow!" A ball of light appeared between her raised hands and solidified into a tiny bow. She aimed it at the creature before her and drew back on the string. With a shout of "Ribbon mint echo!" a glowing arrow of energy appeared in her hands and flew unerringly to strike her target directly in the chest.

The creature issued a grunt of surprise and took a step back. A self-satisfied smirk spread across Minto's face, but vanished when the creature appeared unharmed. He smiled at the confused Mew, revealing a hideous maw that was far too wide for any normal human and packed with sharp, needle-like teeth. The evil Santa vanished from sight for an instant, and before Minto could react he reappeared directly in front of her. He grasped her neck in a clawed fist and lifted her off the ground. "Come sit on Santa's lap," he growled.

Ichigo watched in horror as a wide-eyed Minto gasped for breath and grasped at her throat with both hands, trying in vain to loosen her attacker's grip. The cat girl quickly regained her senses and shouted "Strawberry bell!", summoning forth a pink heart-shaped frame with a bell suspended in the center. "Let her go!" she shouted with a scowl. "For your evil actions, I will make you pay!" She gripped the heart bell in one hand and raised the other so that a gemstone on the back of her glove lined up with the bell. A burst of power momentarily blew her hair straight up like a gust of wind. "Ribbon strawberry check!"

A multicolored blast of force streamed from the bell to the possessed Santa, briefly illuminating the entire area. When the light faded, the creature merely threw his head back and let out an ugly, gurgling laugh. "You want your friend so badly? Here!" He swung his hand towards Ichigo with incredible force, releasing Minto at the same time. Minto flew backwards into Ichigo, sending them both stumbling. The girls felt their backs slam into something hard, driving the breath from their lungs.

Ichigo recovered first. She opened her eyes to find herself pinned to a tree by one of Santa's inhumanly powerful arms. Glancing to her left, she saw Minto similarly trapped against a nearby tree. The evil Santa grinned and panted luridly as he leered at the Mews.

"How could any chimera anima resist both our powers like that?" Minto wheezed.

"I don't think this is a chimera," Ichigo gasped. "That's why Ryou didn't pick up any readings. But if he's not one of the aliens' monsters..." Ichigo slowly turned her head to face Santa. "What are you?"

"I'm hungry," the creature replied. "And since I don't see any milk and cookies around..." Santa leaned his head back and opened his mouth. With a sharp crack his jaw separated and his maw gaped to an impossible size. A long, thin, pointed tongue writhed inside his mouth. The Mews winced as the creature's foul breath washed over them with the stench of decay. His eyes flared bright red as the horrible visage inched closer.

A blinding flash lit up the woods, followed by a deafening crack. For a moment the girls were sure lightning had struck nearby. When their senses recovered they noticed Santa's head was missing. With a combination of relief and horror they found the trees, ground and even their own clothes and faces splattered with chunks of meat, bone and clotted blood. Santa's body went limp and collapsed into a heap on the ground, staining the snow red. As they watched, the corpse began to dissolve into a black mist and evaporate into thin air, along with the gore that coated the girls. Within seconds a tattered Santa costume was the only sign that the creature had been there at all.

Ichigo and Minto stared at each other in disbelief. Suddenly they became aware of another presence and slowly turned to confront it. A tall, thin man stood several paces away, facing them. His shirt, pants and high boots were all black beneath a crimson cloak and wide-brimmed hat. A red necktie so long it could have been a scarf billowed in the breeze. What immediately caught the girls' attention, however, was the improbably long, silver smoking pistol held in his outstretched gloved hand.

All was silent. After what seemed an eternity, the man tucked the weapon inside his shirt and raised his head to regard the Mews. Moonlight glinted off the yellowed lenses of his spectacles. "Well," he addressed the girls in a deep, smooth voice, "you're the strangest looking elves I've ever seen."

Ichigo swallowed hard. "W-who are you?" she stammered, trying unsuccessfully to mask her trepidation. "What was that thing?"

The stranger responded in a slow, easy tone. "It certainly wasn't a...what did you call it? Chimera? At any rate, it's gone now. If you really don't know what it was, why worry about it?"

"Good point!" Minto said, desperate to get the man to leave and put this ordeal behind her. "All's well that ends well! Thanks for your help mister, but we should really be going now. Come on, Ichigo."

There was no answer. Minto looked at her friend and found her standing as if mesmerized, her eyes half lidded and a strange smile on her face. "Ichigo? What's wrong?" The bird girl took a step forward but something unseen slammed her back against a tree, coating her in a rime of powder knocked loose from the branches above. She struggled to move but her limbs were stuck fast, as immobile as if she'd been tied in place. "What are you doing?" she demanded of the stranger.

The man regarded Ichigo with a lusty, longing stare. "Santa isn't the only one who gets hungry, you know," he replied distractedly. He lifted his hand palm upward toward Ichigo. She leaned slightly forward, lifted almost imperceptibly off the ground and glided towards the tall figure, her feet trailing twin trenches in the snow.

"Stop it!" Minto screamed, struggling to break free. "Release her right..." Her eyes widened as her breath caught in her throat. Try as she might she couldn't make another sound.

The stranger brought Ichigo close enough to wrap an arm around her waist. His other hand gently tilted her head to one side. He opened his mouth wide enough to fit around the girl's throat and positioned his long, sharp fangs on the side of her neck. He could smell the sweet, hot blood coursing just beneath her creamy skin and feel the rhythmic pulse of life as the points of his teeth dimpled her soft flesh.

"Alucard?" The man froze as a woman's voice called out in a noticeable English accent. The thin sound seemed to emanate from a speaker somewhere on his person. "Alucard, report!" the voice demanded.

With some hesitation he raised his head away from the girl. "Primary objective eliminated. Mission complete."

"Good work, Alucard, but now we've got another one. A suspect was spotted fleeing from the same shopping center. Reports indicate he is dressed as...Walter, is this accurate?"

"Indeed, mum," answered the voice of an older English gentleman.

"Dressed as a...candy cane," the woman continued. "It's probably the one who turned our Santa Claus. I trust you'll be able to see this matter to its end."

"Of course, my master," Alucard responded, barely able to keep the annoyance from his voice. "I'm on my way." He reluctantly released Ichigo, who blinked as if waking from a dream. "No rest for the wicked, eh?" He smiled broadly and stretched his arms out to his sides, then fell backwards and vanished into the shadows. Minto, no longer bound by the invisible force, slumped unceremoniously to the ground. A shiver ran down the Mews' spines as a faint, hollow chuckling sound echoed all around them. "Merry Christmas, little elves," said the fading voice.

The girls stared silently into the darkness for several moments. Minto, squatting in the snow in her tiny dress, suddenly remembered how cold she was. With a gesture she enveloped herself in a nimbus of light and emerged in her proper winter attire. Ichigo followed suit.

"Was he...?" Minto finally broke the silence. "Were they...?"

"Yeah," Ichigo replied with wonder in her voice, "I think they were."

"But...but they don't exist."

A curious smile crossed Ichigo's lips. "Yeah, and neither do space aliens or half-animal superheroes."

The ringing of a distant church bell broke the girls' long reverie. Minto stood and brushed the snow from her rear, trying to regain her ladylike decorum, and turned back towards town. Through the trees she could just barely see strings of flashing red and green lights and hear the faint strains of "Silver Bells" on the wind.

"Let's get out of here, Ichigo," she whispered. "I am so ready for those antlers."


End file.
